Saturday, October 09, 2004
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Thursday, September 30, 2004
The Shy Tots main website's been updated - more junk for you to plough through on the Shy Tots junk page...
The Shy Tots website is at http://www.shytots.co.uk
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Click here to see the Royal Marines - helping us to sleep safely each night.
This is a video file of 2.4 Mb. Starring our very own taxi-driving Shytot.
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
Friday, August 27, 2004
Two more bricks...
Monday, August 23, 2004
Try again to get Broadband
To those of you who live in the ShyTots area without broadband, there's good news!
The limits are being removed, and each line will be tested individually. This means you should now be able to get ADSL/Broadband where you couldn't previously. The Vice Captain has had broadband for a while due to a glitch on the part of BT that let him "sneak in".
My line loss is worse than the so-called limit of 60db, (mine was 63db last time I checked). This did not stop it from working.
Click this button to go to the Eclipse web-site. Put your number in and you should be given the chance to order.
If there's no button CLICK HERE!
I would recommend the Flex500 service. This gives you a 512kbps standard speed, but if you want to increase it for an hour or more you can for just 9p per hour.
I've had no problems at all with Eclipse - they have also been the fastest ISP for the last few months.
Good luck with your order.
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Just a quick note to say I've set up a forum/bulletin board for the ShyTots. I've done nothing much with it yet, but if you go to it and register you can put some ideas on it if you can be 4rsed. The link is http://s4.invisionfree.com/shytots/ and I'll add this link to the main site at www.shytots.co.uk at some point.
FW: Murphy's Law.
IF ANYTHING CAN GO WRONG, IT WILL.
NOTHING IS AS EASY AS IT LOOKS.
EVERYTHING TAKES LONGER THAN YOU THINK IT WILL.
IF THERE IS A POSSIBILITY OF SEVERAL THINGS GOING WRONG, THE ONE THAT WILL CAUSE THE MOST DAMAGE WILL GO WRONG.
WHENEVER Y0U SETOUT TO DO SOMETHING, SOMTHING ELSE MUST BE DONE FIRST.
EVERY SOLUTION BREEDS A NEW PROBLEM.
IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO MAKE ANYTHING FOOLPROOF BECAUSE FOOLS ARE SO INGENIOUS.
NATURE ALWAYS SIDES WITH THE HIDDEN FLAW.
LEFT TO THEMSELVES, THINGS WILL ALWAYS TEND TO GO FROM BAD TO WORSE.
WHEN THINGS JUST CAN’T GET ANY WORST, THEY WILL.
EVERYTHING PUT TOGETHER SOONER OR LATER FALLS APART.
NO MATTER WHAT GOES WRONG, IT WILL PROBABLY LOOK RIGHT.
WHEN AN ERROR HAS BEEN DETECTED AND CORRECTED, IT WILL FOUND TO HAVE BEEN CORRECT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
ONCE A JOB IS FOULED UP, ANYTHING DONE TO IMPROVE IT WILL ONLY MAKE IT WORSE.
THE UNSPEAKABLE LAW
AS SOON AS YOU MENTION SOMETHING, IF IT’S GOOD IT GOES AWAY, IF IT’S BAD, IT HAPPENS.
THE MAN WHO CAN SMILE WHEN THINGS GO WRONG HAS THOUGHT OF SOMEONE HE CAN BLAME IT ON.
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
SHOULD CHILDREN WITNESS CHILDBIRTH?
Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn, a 3-year old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom.Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Smack him again."
Friday, July 30, 2004
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
While I was driving down the M4 the other day, (going a little faster
than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a copper
on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The copper pulled
me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronising
"Runway too short?"
To which I replied, "I'm late for work."
To which he asked, "What do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.
The copper was surprised and confused. "A what? A rectum stretcher??
And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way
up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in,
work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but
surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."
Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do
you do with a six-foot arsehole?"
To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him
behind a bridge..."
Speeding ticket: £105.00
Court costs: £45
Look on copper's face: Priceless
Saturday, July 24, 2004
Thursday, July 22, 2004
These Aussies are tough!
An artist's impression of what was left after the Aussie Shytot had been "treated" earlier today.
You have a little doze in your chair and what happens when you wake up?
The Vice Captain seen some time ago after pranksters had made him wear TG's glasses.
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Click here --> Chicken And Egg Cartoons <-- for cartoons. Of Chickens. And eggs.
Monday, July 19, 2004
To simplify things I've now set up a domain name for the Shytots. www.shytots.co.uk is currently not showing a great deal, but it's there now and hopefully I'll get time to make it of some use.
NB: If you can't see it today then it may take some time to reach your system! It can take up to 24 hours for a new domain name to be available to all users of the net. I could go technical here but I can't be 4rsed. Plus I'll probably get it wrong.
Sunday, July 18, 2004
Saturday, July 17, 2004
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Ever noticed how celebrities never quite know when to think, before putting their mouth in to gear. These are a few cracking statements made during gwenuine TV and radio interviews.
Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male Astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:
"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."
Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open:
"Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."
Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:
"Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."
Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World
"Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a
hard on now."
Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning:
"She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."
'Winning Post's' Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's
"Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."
Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond:
"Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."
Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match,
inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe:
"With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."
Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:
"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."
James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked:
"What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"
Steve Ryder covering the US Masters:
"Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."
The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away...
"My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."
Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big
race when he said:
"They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from
Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live
"You'd eat beaver if you could get it."
A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed
and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked,
"So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!
US PGA Commentator:
"One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them .... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"
Metro Radio :
"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977:
"Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."
Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator:
"This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."
New Zealand Rugby Commentator:
"Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."
1) Go to www.blogger.com
2) sign in using the boxes at the top right.
3) It should then bring up a page called "Dashboard").
4) You'll then see a list of blogs you are allowed to contribute to. Next to the words "The Shy Tots" will be a little "+" sign under the heading "New Post". Click the "+" sign.
5) The next screen is a blank form to put your post into.
6) You have title (optional, but worth putting something into).
7) You then have link (again optional, but if you are posting about a website you've seen then you can put the link in here).
8) The last box is POST. Put your thing in here!
9) You then press the "Publish Post" button once you're ready. A short while later you'll get a message saying your post is published.
10) If you want to change your post, at the dashboard screen (mentioned in point 3 above) you can click another link to manage existing posts, where you've the option to mess about with existing stuff.
Hell hath NO FURY, like a women scorned !!!!!!!!
(Contributed by the Treasurer)
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning and mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit...
Repairmen refused to work in the house...The maid quit...
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house.
She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back...
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth...But only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home...
.....including the curtain rods.
Thursday, July 08, 2004
The number of ideas for stuff to put on here and the website itself has overwhelmed me. Not.
Let me have some ideas.
In the meantime have we any useable quotes from the team? My memory's not what it was so I've not got all the details, but there must be some that are still funny when sober. (Note to TG - this does not include your "jokes" thank you.)
Don't forget if you want to post here it's free and easy. If you aren't already down as a contributor then tell me and I'll "invite" you. If you are a contributor then go to
www.blogger.com and sign in. From there it's pretty straightforward to add a post.
Also what was everybody's nicknames? I was made Vice Captain (although I believe this post no longer carries any power). We've of course got the Captain and the Treasurer. Who's the current Ents Officer (originally held by TG)?
Let me know the nicknames. And if you don't then someone else will make you one up. OK Bruce?